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Gardening in the Front Lawn? Is He INSANE?

09/22/2011

Adam Guerrero, a criminal from Memphis, Tennessee, has violated perfectly sensible zoning codes by planting a vegetable garden in his front lawn!

In North America, the front lawn is a venerated institution. When terrorists like Guerrero grow something in their front yards other than grass, they threaten our right to put down a layer of garbage, lay on some AstroTurf and tell children to stay away.

But this Guerrero guy isn’t content to undermine our hallowed tradition by himself. No, he’s also infecting other members of his community with his antisocial ideas–teaching local young men how to spawn his unnatural crops in soil, which is known to contain germs.

h/t Boing Boing

When such sociopaths execute their evil horticultural schemes, they’ll often rave that land is an increasingly limited resource, and that front lawns have no discernible purpose. They’ll screech–sweat dripping from their steaming brows–about the significant reduction of carbon emissions associated with eating vegetables grown in your own front yard.

Sometimes they’ll go so far as to create videos that are more like fever dreams, and use social networking websites to spread these unholy creations all across the Internet.

4 Comments leave one →
  1. John Erickson permalink
    09/23/2011 3:23 PM

    Heathens! Anarchists! Next thing you know, they’ll be suggesting that residents of such desert towns like Las Vegas rip out their lawns ALTOGETHER!
    What’s that?
    The town’s GOVERNMENT suggest that?
    And REWARDS people for doing so?
    Dang pinko commie subversives are everywhere! ;)
    A little side story, though related. My family used to live in the prototypical suburb, with the typical front lawn. my dad had (and still has) a dizzying array of lawn weapons – mowers, trimmers, rakes, spreaders, and some “aerator” thing that looks like 3 dozen ninja stars on a stick.
    We moved to a strange little area of 2 acres of land (during the summer), seemingly rural but still suburban. Dad spent that fall trying to do the mow/weed/feed/trim/roller/aerate routine. On two acres. By hand.
    Next spring he had a simple two-step rule worked out. 1) Is it green? 2) Can you cut it with the riding lawnmower? If yes to both, mow it and LEAVE it.
    I still use that rule to this very day, and strangely enough, I have one of the best lawns in the neighborhood! :D

  2. 09/23/2011 8:49 PM

    Three cheers for Las Vegas’ government, then! That makes a hell of a lot of sense, especially considering that maintaining a lawn in the desert would be tedious to say the least.

    It sounds like your Dad arrived at your family’s tried-and-true lawn-care method after an admirably short period of time.

    My parents are concerned with maintaining a nice, grassy lawn (surrounded by beautiful gardens), but they’re also concerned with doing it naturally–they’re as suspicious of chemicals as I am, and that’s saying something. So that means a lot of weeding by hand.

    Me, I rent a room in a three-bedroom house, and I don’t give a damn what my lawn looks like!

    • John Erickson permalink
      09/23/2011 8:58 PM

      Ya know, you just might have something there. Although I have SERIOUSLY wondered what the cost of Astroturf for our front lawn would be. No mowing, and when greased up JUST right, entertaining watching when the neighborhood kids decide to trespass.
      Did I mention our house is about 20 feet above the street? A small front lawn with a 45-degree slope to the street level. Imagine the terminal velocity off lubed Astroturf!

      • 09/23/2011 9:50 PM

        That idea sounds like it has the potential to be either extremely funny or extremely horrifying!

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