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Mathematically Unsound


May is excerpt month. Here’s another from Royal Flush, in which two characters are seen to share a profound dislike for each other.

Their favourite pastime was expressing their extreme dislike for each other. They made a game of it, the object of which was to make the other resent his own existence.

“I hate you,” Frederick would spontaneously affirm, initiating their daily contest.

“I hate you more,” Mud would quickly retort.

“I hate you more than both our hatreds combined.”

“That’s mathematically unsound.”


Mud bristled. “My hatred for you is so strong, it enjoyed a brief existence as love before becoming an even stronger hatred.”

“Yeah? Well I hate you so much, it’s now my default emotion. I needed to invent a new emotion to express how much I hate you. I named it Mud.

For a moment, it seemed Frederick had won.

“I hate you while I’m asleep.”

“I hate you while I’m awake.

Mud sputtered. “I hate you more than I hate picking grime from between my toes every morning!”

Frederick drew a deep breath, and then said: “I hate you more than I hate being hungry.”

Mud stared at him in disbelief. “Really?”

Frederick nodded vigorously.

“Okay, you win. I’ll get you tomorrow.”

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