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How to Win The Game in Six Easy Steps

03/18/2011

Tired of losing The Game? Here’s how to win–permanently!

1. Prepare your Last Will and Testament. In it, leave instructions for your epitaph to read “HE (OR SHE) WON THE GAME.”

2. Get a Bachelor’s Degree in Psychology. Then get your Master’s, and then your PhD. Specialize in the formation, consolidation and retention of memory.

3. Secure a lucrative research grant to study the selective erasure of memory. Justify it by suggesting it will cure post-traumatic stress disorder. There are some promising new drugs on the horizon that will probably aid you in your efforts. Good luck.

4. In the meantime (i.e. while completing steps 1 through 3) spend your free time learning and memorizing the facial expressions, hand gestures, grammatical constructions, tonal cues and conversation topics that tend to precede any mention of The Game.

5. Condition yourself to pepper spray your interlocutor the instant you recognize one of the aforementioned warning signs. (This will prevent him or her from mentioning The Game–he or she will be too busy screaming. As well, write a program for your personal computer and for your cell phone that blocks any mention of The Game and sends a virus to the person who attempted to mention it to you. This has the added benefit of gradually conditioning others never to mention The Game (doing society a solid in the process).

6. Using the groundbreaking new drugs you’ve developed, erase all your memories of The Game, and then erase your memories of steps 1 through 5.

If you complete all six steps you will have won The Game. Until then, YOU JUST LOST THE GAME, SUCKER!

One Comment leave one →
  1. A winner is you permalink
    03/26/2011 11:28 AM

    The game? Didn’t know they could be referenced with a definitive.
    I get the sneaking suspicion this “game” is another your mom joke, At least that’s what she said…
    Humor for those lacking in sense.

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