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Bird Is Not the Word


the bird is unequal to the wordEverybody’s heard that the bird is the word.

Everybody’s been lied to.

There was a time not so long ago when a chap could ask what the word is and receive an interesting answer. Those times are gone. Now, thanks to The Trashmen and Family Guy, pop culture insists the bird is the word–and it festers on everyone’s lips.

Friends: the bird is not the word! It is merely a word. Certainly bird rhymes with word. But that doesn’t make it the word. Actually, it’s a pretty boring word. It has four letters and one syllable. You can’t make any anagrams from it. There’s nothing remarkable about its pronunciation. Just try saying it in a sentence that doesn’t have “word” in it. See how stale it tastes?

I don’t mean to knock birds. Birds are fine. (Aren’t they descended from dinosaurs or something?) I’m just saying the word that names them has grown old and tired. Why not let it get some rest?

“Hey, what’s the word?” is a perfectly reasonable greeting, and the number of possible responses is as vast as language. Not just English–all languages!

The Beatles said love is the word. Fuck is a great word. Shucks, Merriam-Webster will tell you what the word is every single day–and it’s never bird.

I’m proposing an Internet-wide campaign. We can do better than this. Humanity deserves better. This is the 21st century. It’s time for a change.

Tell your acquaintances, your co-workers, your Mom, and strangers. Spread the word.

As long as it isn’t bird.

One Comment leave one →
  1. ChaChii permalink
    06/06/2011 2:00 AM


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