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Origin Story

12/21/2010

Allan Snyder wears a sideways baseball cap, and believes human evolution is a story of oppression–the oppression by the brain’s left hemisphere of the right’s savant-like capabilities. His solution is magnets, which he uses to suppress the left in order to temporarily unleash the right’s awesome powers. These include the ability to read, as well as the ability to draw a horse.

For the future, Snyder envisions a literal thinking cap that would allow anyone to become a savant. Perhaps his baseball cap is a prototype. Deciding there are more efficient methods, I walked into this concrete pillar:

Which resulted in this:

As you can see, the left hemisphere is clearly suppressed.

My experiment was a resounding success, as my intelligence has increased dramatically. I know this because with my increased cognitive faculties I can now see that walking into a concrete pillar is a terrible idea. It is absurd to think it would do anything other than diminish your intelligence. It is also very painful.

With great power comes great responsibility. Uncle Ben said that. With my new powers, I’ve decided to start a blog. I’m calling it Batshite, which is like batshit except classier because it’s British.

3 Comments leave one →
  1. Kimberley Walsh permalink
    12/21/2010 7:10 PM

    Dear god man!
    Blog = 2 Thumbs up!
    Head wound = GAW!

    Get some polysporin on that to lessen the chance of scaring! Unless that what your going for: Manly Head Wound Scar. Classy.

  2. 12/22/2010 11:00 AM

    Oh, this happened a while ago. It’s all healed now with no scarring. (A mutant healing factor may also have been a power conferred by the incident.)

  3. The Goof permalink
    12/29/2010 12:31 AM

    A Pillar you say?
    How droll!

    Perhaps you could demonstrate how a man takes good advice in the future?

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